Well, shortly after I posted last week my life took a sad and unexpected turn. I was 14 weeks pregnant with my third baby and we found out on Friday afternoon that the baby had died. Very early Saturday morning, he was born at home. Though it was different in some ways than a full-term birth, my experience of miscarriage was very much a birth--my water broke, I had "normal" contractions for about two hours, the baby was born, we saw the tiny umbilical cord, and so forth. I was surprised to discover that some of the same feelings of empowerment were also present after a "natural home miscarriage" as with a natural home birth--I felt strong and brave and like "I did it myself!" as well as amazed at how well my body worked and knew what to do. We learned the baby was our third boy and named him Noah.
I did have what I felt like was some excessive bleeding and ended up visiting the ER for about 4 hours on Saturday morning. Luckily, it turns out that I can lose way more blood than I ever imagined possible and still be okay (my trusty body DID know what it was doing). I am physically and emotionally wiped out, however, and will as such need to be taking a break from blogging here regularly. I was already trying to minimize my posts (while keeping to the once-a-week schedule I've faithfully maintained for quite some time), but now I need to just put this blog on "hold" for a short while. I may set up some posts to post automatically while I'm away, so it doesn't become too stale (I have some book reviews already written and waiting in a file, for example).
Reflections on Russia
1 week ago